your heart is a haunting that you will regret silencing
by neutralizing
Summary: Five times Yashamaru held his tongue, and one instance he couldn't.


**Title**: your heart is a haunting that you will regret silencing  
**Author**: neutralizing  
**Series**: Naruto  
**Rating/Genre**: T, gen—it's PG until the very last part, where it has a brief sex scene, and even then it doesn't delve into enough specifics to warrant M/NC-17, in my opinion.  
**Word Count**: 2089  
**Summary**: Five times Yashamaru held his tongue, and one instance he couldn't.

**Author's Note**: Several; first, it's been at least six, if not more, years since I last wrote fic for this fandom, so feel free to point out any contradictions to canon. Second, this is more or less practice in brevity, since I tend to be on the wordy side with fics; finally, the Fourth goes unnamed, because calling him King of Douchebags probably would kill the mood I'm trying to set here.

* * *

_i._

Yashamaru is six when he leaves his childhood home. He dares to venture out from under the table only after the screaming and shaking has stopped, and when he steps outside, he is met with the sight of what used to be his village. There are three other homes besides theirs that still stand; everything else is rubble, smoke curling around the broken plaster and wood in thin, blue-grey wisps.

"We have to leave this place, Yashamaru."

Karura's voice cuts through the eerie quiet; he gives her an imploring look. They have to stay, no matter how awful the damage is: there could be survivors they just haven't seen; their mother and father might come back; where would they go anyway, this is _their_ home—

He's about to open his mouth, but the words die in his throat when Karura turns heel into their blackened kitchen and begins to grab a handful of salvageable supplies and rations. Shoves as much as she can into her pockets; what she can't, she hands off to her little brother.

"They're not coming back," she says. "It's just you and me now."

Karura is ten at the time, but Yashamaru can't help but to notice that she possesses the eyes of someone decades older.

* * *

_ii._

There are more halfway homes than there are actual residences in Sunagakure, and Yashamaru hates every single one they've lived in so far. If it's not the home itself, it's their fellow occupants, and their newest addition is no joy. Yashamaru had felt bad for the man at first, having lost both legs in an ambush well before Karura was born and having no one to care for him any longer, but a bottle never leaves his hand, and he never leaves Yashamaru alone.

"It's not worth it," he slurs from the other side of the door; he clinks the bottle on the doorframe in precise, aggravating intervals. "You may not your legs, but you'll lose your mind, boy—the life of shinobi is hell."

Yashamaru sucks in a deep breath—what has to be his tenth one in ten minutes—and slowly exhales. He is exhausted, and he needs to sleep, but he's behind on his work from the academy. If Karura catches wind that he's letting his work pile up, he'll never hear the end of it (a fourteen-year-old girl with a waifish face and doe eyes, but she had screamed at the top of her lungs, fought tooth and nail like a weathered jounin to get them both into the academy).

He forces himself to clear his mind. From behind the locked door, of which Yashamaru is eternally grateful, the old man starts up his rambling again. "There's no hope in this world, boy, don't fool yourself, get away while you can…"

Dipping his brush back into its half-full inkwell, he methodically starts to write an essay on med-nin and their responsibilities and relevance to the shinobi world.

* * *

_iii._

The two of them are gaining attention now—not as pale, light-eyed foreigners that came from some insignificant inkblot in the Land of Wind any longer, but as rising talents in Suna's shinobi force. Yashamaru quickly ascends to chuunin status, and is adept with kunai as he is with chakra, a necessary criterion for successful med-nin. His abilities pale against his sister's, though, who must have been a saint in a past life to be blessed with converting sunlight to chakra, a limitless commodity in the desert.

They're in an actual apartment, too. They've been able to set aside enough of their earnings from missions to place a deposit on a modest, two-bedroom unit; the apartment is still skeletal, but for the first time in ten years, Yashamaru and his sister can afford their necessities, and have money left over.

Tonight they're sitting on their balcony, watching the sun dip below the horizon. There may be no respite from heat and dryness, but Yashamaru doubts any other hidden village can match the splendor of Sunagakure sunsets.

"Beautiful evening," Karura murmurs over a cup of green tea, letting her head slide on to her brother's shoulder. Yashamaru especially cherishes moments like this; it's not often Karura lets herself slip from protector, to the one being protected.

"I agree," he replies.

"I wish it could stay like this forever." A soft chuckle, then: "Nothing ever stays constant in this place, though."

Yashamaru frowns; things could stay like this, he thinks, if she would just let them. Their goal was to thrive and be happy all those years ago; hadn't they already reached that finish line?

But he takes a look into Karura's face (her eyes were always her best feature, next to her soft jaw line), and sees a tempest full of stars and ambitions brewing. She's not ready to settle, not by a longshot.

Yashamaru opts to remain silent, so as to not ruin the moment.

* * *

_iv._

"You—you got the promotion?"

Karura nods feverishly, clearly giddy, brandishing the official paperwork in his face. "Jounin," she trills, "_and_ I get to be a bodyguard for the Sandaime! Only two people made the cut for that, and I was one of them!"

"That's wonderful," he says, wrapping her in a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you, ne-sama—you definitely deserved both of those things."

"Thank you," she whispers, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "And what about you? Did you hear back from the hospital yet?"

Yashamaru pauses. "Well," he said, failing to block out the hesitancy, "I asked earlier today and they said they were still considering my application. Honestly, I don't think I'm going to get the position." What pleasure had been on Karura's face vanishes, and he quickly adds that he's not too upset, he can just use the time to fine-tune his skills and make more of an impression next time.

Karura seems to believe this, because her lips curl back into a smile. "As long as you're not too disappointed, I suppose. I'm still very proud of you, Yashamaru—don't forget."

"I couldn't, even if I tried, because you wouldn't let me," he teases, gently nudging her in the sides. "Let's go out to celebrate. My treat."

Karura grins, and it's the loveliest sight in the world. But even seeing her at her happiest does nothing to assuage the knot of deep, bitter jealousy that's lodged between Yashamaru's chest and throat.

* * *

_v._

As a fledgling med-nin, Yashamaru has quickly learned never to doubt his intuition, so when he meets Karura's partner for the first time and his first impulse is to get his sister far away from this man, he accepts it without ever questioning why.

"Good to meet you," Yashamaru lies, reciprocating the handshake even though he wants to swat this stranger's hand away.

"Your sister tells me you are a med-nin?"

"Yes. I'm looking for a full-time position; right now, I'm scheduled on a 'as needed' basis."

Karura's partner brushes rust colored hair out of his eyes, and clears his throat. "I don't doubt that you'll find something soon. Med-nin are always valuable, in peaceful times or not." He turns to Karura, who looks thoughtful. "We should be leaving soon, Karura-san. Sandaime is expecting us for a briefing."

"Yes. But I wanted you two to meet," she says, a slow smile spreading on her mouth. "I have a feeling you two will get to know one another well."

Yashamaru really hopes that's not the case.

"Anyway! We're off. I'll try to be back soon," Karura says, brushing her lips against her brother's jaw; Yashamaru gives her a small nod and she grins, turning heel.

Her partner eyes her for a second, giving one last look and nod towards Yashamaru's direction, before following suit. Only when they're completely out of sight Yashamaru shudders, repulsed by the obvious hunger he saw in the other man's eyes.

Much to his chagrin, Karura becomes a rare sight over the next several weeks; protecting the Kazekage is obviously no light work, but Yashamaru wonders with irritation if her partner could stand to let her be alone once every while, the few times she does get reprieve. But she doesn't seem to mind the company, and soon enough he finds himself equally busy, working in the emergency ward at the hospital. He throws himself into his job, not daring to think of his sister alone with him.

Months pass before they both get the same day off. They're eating takoyaki and finally catching up, just the two of them, when something glimmers by Karura's temple and catches Yashamaru's keen eyes.

"I haven't seen those before," Yashamaru notes, looking at the set of small, but intricately designed earrings. "Where did you buy those from?"

"I didn't. They were a gift. Solid gold, too. They're lovely, aren't they?"

Yashamaru isn't sure what sickens him more: the implication behind the gift, or the undeniable pleasure in her voice.

* * *

(_and one instance he couldn't_)

The final straw happens one night he confuses his schedule with another nin's and comes in on a day off. They dismiss him, and Yashamaru arrives back to a darkened apartment. He plans on trying to salvage his sleep schedule, when he hears a noise down the hallway.

Karura's bedroom door is opened just a sliver. He peers inside, and immediately wishes he hadn't.

Karura is splayed underneath him, _naked_, a mockery of the strong sister he's always known, fingers threaded in rust-colored hair. He watches with cold horror as she gasps and shivers as he marks her throat, then her collarbone, moving down to her chest, stomach—

Yashamaru slams the door shut as hard as he can, when she cries out his name in a trembling moan.

He storms back to the hospital, hellbent on finding his attending for that shift. He finds the second-in-command instead, the same one that had told him to go home earlier.

"Yashamaru?" he asks, nonplussed. "You're not supposed to be here tonight. We don't have any more spots."

"Make one, then," is all he's able to snarl out, grabbing his apron with such ferocity, he almost rips the hanger from the wall.

His coworkers don't disturb Yashamaru the rest of the night, as he plows through a pile of paperwork the second-in-command hesitantly assigned him. When he's finished, light is just beginning to illuminate Sunagakure. Fine by him—Karura usually is gone before the sunrise.

When he arrives home, though, she's still there, waiting, radiating cold fury.

There are ugly, red scratches on her neck peeking through her yukata.

"I don't know what possessed you last night to do what you did—"

"_I don't trust him, ne-sama_."

"What you did last night was completely out of line, Yashamaru."

"Look at what he did to you!"

"And that is no concern of yours, do you understand? I am a grown woman, and can handle my own affairs without intervention—you of all people should know that."

"He's going to hurt you one day."

"And what makes you so certain of that? He's done nothing to antagonize you, or me."

"I just _know_ it, ne-sama, I—"

"I think," she cuts in coldly, giving him a frozen stare to match, "you're jumping to conclusions here. Am I saying he is perfect? Absolutely not. He has his flaws, like any other person. But you're also not bothering to get to know him, either—and don't you dare try to tell me otherwise, because we both know you've been deliberately making yourself scarce these past couple months."

Yashamaru feels small under his sister's stare.

Karura reaches her arms, placing her hands on his shoulders. "He's asked me to marry him, and I intend to say yes. I promise you that I would not even consider it, if I felt there was anything about him that would cause concern in the future. All that I ask is that you make an effort to be empathetic, and to trust me."

"… Fine," Yashamaru mutters after a stretch of silence. Karura continues to stare deeply at him, and he knows she's not entirely convinced at his promise, but slips her arms around him anyway, and she offers a truce which he takes without question.

She soon leaves to report to work, but the deep, ominous feeling of discontentment he has still stays.

(This will be only the first of many regrets in trusting others Yashamaru has in his life.

Of course, he has no way of knowing that just yet.)


End file.
